Ever felt the weight of societal norms dictating your decisions, both in business and life? I’m Shawn, your guide on this journey to break free from the shackles of ‘shoulds’ and realign with your authentic goals. My personal experiences and struggles, from feeling the pressure to conform to business trends to finally attaining a flow business, offer valuable insights into this process.
The road to success isn’t paved with ‘shoulds’; instead, it’s about moving from resistance to alignment. We’ll dig deep into the fears that often drive our decisions and differentiate between what is truly essential and what is a perceived ‘should’. Together, we’ll learn to challenge the idea of ‘I should do this’ and question its validity, helping you navigate your path with clarity and conviction.
And here’s the real kicker – transitioning from ‘I should’ to ‘I want to’ and ‘I get to’ can transform tasks from burdens into opportunities. Imagine running a business that flows with your unique rhythm, feeling less like a chore and more like a rewarding journey. Join me as we explore ways to make essential tasks enjoyable, in sync with your schedule and energy, and truly resonate with you. It’s time for your business to feel less like a cage and more like a tailored suit – perfect fit, perfect feel.
“When you have this very real connection to your deepest desires for your business… then those things that are previously ‘shoulds’ start making more sense and you will find that resistance fades because its part of your aligned action that gets you where you want to go.” – Shawn Mynar
“It’s about reminding yourself over and over again what it is you want, why you want it and then those ‘shoulds’, the edge starts coming off of them and they start feeling doable and accessible.” – Shawn Mynar
“We will always have to take aligned action to get where we want to go, it won’t just magically show up in front of you, you have to take action.” – Shawn Mynar
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT BELOW:
Hey, hey there, friends, Welcome back to the Flow Business Podcast. I’m Shawn, your host, and this is your place to build a business that excites you, not overwhelms you. Today we’re talking about the ever-present, all-consuming shoulds in your business. Are you shoulding in your business and really are you shoulding in your life? Probably, I think we all are or all have at some point, and your business is a big, huge place where those shoulds can really show themselves and then keep you stuck, keep you from taking action, make you overthink things all of the stuff we talk about here so much on the Flow Business Podcast. It’s one of those things that can keep you from flowing. That feeling of I should be doing something else, I should be doing more, I should be doing something different. Just a few examples here I should be posting on social media more. I should be doing reels. I should be doing carousels. I should be doing all these different things that we can do on social media. I should be doing Facebook Lives or Instagram Lives. I should be showing my face. I should start a YouTube channel. I should start a podcast. I should post on my blog more. I should take more clients. I should sell and market myself more. I should. I mean, there’s like I could keep going. There are so many. I feel like for me I’ve probably felt all of those before at some point in the last almost 11 years of having a business, but I do have one that has shown up recently for me that I finally got over not too long ago, and that was that I should turn this podcast so me recording a podcast episode every week into a video, because I see so many people doing that. They post a video of themselves talking into a microphone for their podcast on social media, on Instagram or on a YouTube channel, just kind of making this content work in different places for them, and it makes sense. It seems like a really good idea. It seems very efficient, seems like a great way to get more people to listen to the podcast or to get more followers or audience members, whatever. And it was nagging at me that I should be doing that. I should be putting a camera on my face right now as I’m recording this to get the video to use in other places. But then I really actually sat down and thought about it. Why wasn’t I doing this thing that I quote unquote should do? And it was because I didn’t want to. It wasn’t in alignment with my flow business. I like to record these episodes when I’m feeling inspired, when I have the right energy, when it works best for my schedule. It’s not a set thing. It’s not like every Tuesday at noon I’m recording a podcast episode. It’s when it works best for me and when I feel comfortable and relaxed and in a good place mentally and emotionally and energetically. That’s when the best episodes happen of this show, and what is usually the case with that is that when I’m in that space, the last thing in the world I want to do is like do my hair, put on makeup, have this video in my face recording me. That is not a flow business to me. That is not part of my flow business. That feels very forced. It doesn’t feel comfortable and relaxed. It’s just Not me. It’s not in alignment with me and what I want out of my business and out of the content I create. I can guarantee that if I had a camera on me right now not that even that it was live, but just knowing that there was something recording me I would not produce the type of episodes that I want to come out of the show. That is the most important thing is having these very real, very comfortable conversations with you. That wouldn’t happen if I had my phone recording me at the same time, because that’s not who I am, that’s not what makes me feel comfortable, so it’s not the right thing for me to do. I don’t want to do it. That’s why I was feeling resistant to it. And then, as soon as you feel that resistance, then you start having those should conversations with yourself. And then you start feeling even worse about yourself for not doing what you should be doing. And the cycle continues and grows, and grows, and grows, until it just feels really crappy. So once I figured out that it’s just not in alignment with me, it doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t make sense for my business, I could let it go and keep doing what I’m doing, keep doing it in a way that I enjoy, in a way that puts out some really great content, because I’m comfortable, I’m relaxed and I’m doing it my way. Now here’s a little caveat If this was something that was necessary for my business to be to the level of success that feels good for me and is in alignment with my goals, it would be a different story, because, even though it’s not something that I necessarily want to do, it is along the path of my desire, of my dreams, of my goals, and so that is still aligned action. So, even though it’s not something that I feel this overwhelming desire to do, if it were a necessary step to get to the place where I want to go, to that level of success that I want, to that dream business that I want, then it is aligned action. And there are ways that you can get to a good feeling place with that which we’ll talk about in a second, that takes it from a should to an. I get to kind of situation. But in this case, with the recording of the podcast in video form while I’m talking, that wasn’t this scenario. I’ve had a podcast for almost nine years now. People still listen, even when it’s not recorded on video. Would more people listen, maybe? But my, the overall success of my business is not dependent on whether I’m on video right now or not. So that was something I had to kind of go over to. Is, you know, maybe my podcast would explode, but even if that’s not the case and even if it stays as is and has been for the past nine years, I’m happy it works for my business. It is working on the path to my desire and that’s what really matters. So I was able to squash that quote unquote should and do what felt best for me and my business. So this was a should that showed up in my business recently. But if we really think about it, I think that we can find shoulds that happen in our lives so much. I mean coming from the training and nutrition space there was all this talk of I should eat more vegetables, I shouldn’t eat dessert, I shouldn’t have sugar, I should go to the gym, I should go for a walk, should, should, should. So many things that you should and shouldn’t be doing in that area of your life, and really in every area of your life. It’s like rules of life that then we’ve taken in and created our own additional rules on top of them and when you go against those rules you’ve created, that means you feel bad about yourself, you feel like a failure. The cycle then continues to repeat itself, like I said, and you know, in a way I think it kind of confirms, or helps to confirm, helps to strengthen some limiting beliefs that you have about yourself, tucked away in that subconscious mind of yours that maybe you’re not even really knowing about yourself yet and not really seeing in yourself. But when you have these quote unquote shoulds and then you don’t do them, then it just confirms that. It confirms what you might be thinking about yourself I am a failure, I don’t deserve XYZ, I can’t make anything work. I will never be a success, whatever our stories are that we tell ourselves. When you have these shoulds in all areas of your life, then they just continue to feed into those stories and you stay trapped and again, this is all happening without you even knowing, but it’s there and is a wreaking havoc on your life, potentially, and wreaking havoc on your business. So back to that business of yours. Let’s stick specifically with that, even though it does happen in all areas of our lives. And if you really look at it, I think you can find a lot of places that you’re shoulding on yourself, and what I’m talking about, what I’m saying specifically to business, can be the case, can be the way you can start thinking about all areas of your life. The shoulds happen for a few reasons that I can come up with. I’m sure there’s a ton of them, but I have three in particular that I think are really obvious that we can start looking at. First of all, we see what other people are doing and think we need to do that too. So this is a classic case of Comparitis. It’s getting worse and worse, more and more prevalent because of how readily available other people’s goings on are. Thanks to social media, we can scroll for two minutes and see someone that’s doing what we quote unquote should be doing and that makes us feel less than bad about ourselves not competent, not capable, not deserving, whatever that story is that you’re feeding into at that moment. But social media and the comparison trap has really amplified the quote unquote shoulds in our business, in our lives. So that’s the first reason. The second reason is that we know what we need to do to get where we want to go, but our ego is getting in the way, causing this resistance, so it ends up feeling more like a should than a get to. And that is where it’s your ego at play that is making it feel harder or worse, or like this uphill battle, or like something you just can’t possibly do. You don’t have the energy, the time, the space, the education, whatever it is, to make it happen. So your ego is making it worse than it actually is, and that is a story that you’re telling yourself so that you don’t have to step outside of your comfort zone, you don’t have to take the next step. You don’t have to do something that’s scary, you don’t have to do something that may not work out or may fail or put yourself out there. You don’t have to do it because your ego is making this thing that you got to do way worse, look way harder and seem impossible. So then it becomes a should instead of an. I get to like just, for example, posting on social media. A lot of you feel like you should be posting on social media instead of I get to post on social media, like I get to just like share what’s on my mind or share something helpful or connect with my people on this free app that everyone is on. I get to do that versus oh, I should be posting on social media even though it no one sees my stuff and it’s so hard to know what to post, and then that means I have to use Canva or I have to take a picture of myself or my dog. You know, like, whatever we make up these stories and it seems way harder and way bigger than just like sharing a picture on a free app that will get eyes on you and your work and start building connections. I feel like social media is the ultimate case of your ego making it a should when really it’s. If you take it all back, rewind, it’s an I get to. It really is such a great opportunity. Is it your only opportunity to get in front of people? Like I say always about social media, absolutely not, but it’s free, it can be really easy, it’s. There’s no rhyme or reason or rules. Changes every single day. No one knows what they’re doing on social media. No one, not even the social media experts and a lot of them at this point will tell you that it changes every day. Everyone’s just trying to keep up. Why not get into the mix of no one knowing what they’re doing and take advantage of this free space to market your business? So that’s my tangent on social media for the day. I apologize, but that’s an example of your ego turning it into something way bigger and way harder than it actually is. And then the last reason we’ll talk about today is this loss of connection that we kind of talked about in the last episode finding out your bigger. Why episode two, fourteen? I believe you want to go back and listen to that really important talk. In that one You’ve lost connection with what you want and why you want it. And so when you don’t have that desire like I mentioned when I was talking about recording my face while I am recording this podcast, it was not an essential path to the success I desire, to the business I desire. If it were, I would do it, I would absolutely do it and I would find a way to make it fun and to make it feel good and to fit into my flow business. But it’s not. But there are some things that are essential to get me there, to get where I want to go. Same thing goes for you and your business. However, you may have lost connection to what you want and why you want it. So now everything seems like a should instead of an I get to. Everything seems like I have to do this and I have to do that, I should do this and I shouldn’t do that and, man, it all just feels like an uphill battle. And yet, when you have this very real connection to your deepest desires for your business how you want this dream business to look, feel, act, do how you really want it to go, then those things that are previously should start making more sense, start finding themselves on your path to get there and you will find that resistance fades because it’s part of your aligned action that gets you where you want to go. Is it like the most fun thing ever? Maybe, maybe not. There are some ways that you can make things feel good and still find your place in that thing that is in alignment, but again, it’s the aligned action. We will always have to take aligned action to get where we want to go. It won’t just magically show up in front of you. You have to take action and it’s about reminding yourself over and over again what it is that you want, why you want it, and then those should start that edge starts coming off of them and they start feeling doable and accessible. So if you’re feeling resistance in your business, in what you have to do to make it happen, it’s time to start looking into those shoulds and maybe even going a little deeper and see, like, what does it really mean for you? So if you are saying something like, oh, I should show up more, I should sell and market my services more, I should start a podcast or YouTube whatever, and you’re feeling that should and you’re not doing it, it’s not feeling aligned. Then I would recommend figuring out what that’s really protecting you from, because that should is just going to create more resistance, so you feel like you’re not doing enough, you’re not doing it right, you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do, you’re falling behind, you’re failing, you’re not cut out for this, you’re not deserving, you’re not good enough. What does that mean? What are you making that mean that resistance to doing that thing and when you can really get involved in that instead of just always thinking I should, I should, I should, I should. But then figuring out what’s underneath that, then you can break the cycle. Until you do that, you’re going to stay stuck in that cycle and it will lead to more procrastination, more over thinking, more feeling like you’re not cut out for this, all of these things that come up. It will continue and it will continue to manifest in your business and your life too. So I have some really really good questions to help you decipher your should and see, kind of like I did with the podcast see if it’s something that you really do need to do and can you move into a place of I get to versus I should, or I have to, or if it’s something you can let go of, just let go of it. It doesn’t work for you, it’s not part of your flow, it’s not essential to your journey. Get it out of here and move on with your life, instead of feeling that way and, you know, comparing yourself to others and then feeling bad that you’re not doing it. It’s just not something you’re going to do, it’s not something you want to do, it doesn’t fit into your life. Cool, everyone else can do it. Good for them. I’m not going to and I feel good with that decision. So how can we get there? First thing I want you to ask yourself we’re going to first of all get really clear on the things that you’re saying you should do, and you may not even know right away what those are. It’s going to take some time for you to just build some awareness around that, like as you’re scrolling social and you’re like, oh, I should be doing what that person is doing, or something like that. That’s when you can start gathering some evidence. But once you have that, why should I ask yourself, why should I do that? And again, the answer may be because it’s going to get me clients, because it’s going to build awareness around what I’m doing. It’s going to create connections that I’m really longing for, it’s going to take me to the next level, these things Cool. That is essential, that is a big deal. That is a good reason why you should. But then other times it’s just you won’t even really have an answer. You’ll be like well, because that person is doing it, so I feel like I should, or I was told I had to, or I was told that’s how you do things. No, that’s not a good reason. That doesn’t make sense. That’s not part of your flow business. Doing something because someone else is or because that’s what you heard, isn’t it? If there is a reason, if it is part of your path, keep it there. If not, let it go. And then part of that is also who’s telling me I should and shouldn’t? Again, if it’s someone you found on the internet, cool. If it’s like your bestie or someone that’s kind of giving you some really good advice that you trust, like a coach or a mentor, then that’s different. That’s a different piece to consider too. Who is it? And do you trust that person to tell you what is essential to your path and what isn’t. The next question what do I fear will happen if I don’t? So, if you don’t do that thing that you feel like you should do, what’s going to happen? And if you do do that thing that you should do, what do you fear will happen? So get the fears all out on the table, like, if I do this, I fear like I’m going to be rejected. You know, if I put myself out there, I’m going to be rejected, I’m going to fail. If I don’t, then I’m going to never realize my dream. I’m going to stay stuck. I’m going to continue playing small when I don’t want that. Which would you rather? We got to pick one right. So which would you rather? And then pick it and go? You can’t have both. One has to be less scary than the other. Which one do you prefer? Staying stuck in limbo isn’t an option. What do you fear will happen in either scenario? And then also to build on those fears. Is that a realistic fear? So if you do put yourself out there, is it realistic that you could be judged? You could fail? Everything just blows up in your face. Is it realistic that if you don’t put yourself out there. You will stay stuck, you won’t realize your dreams, you’ll kind of have this stagnancy in your life and business. Which one, or are both of them, realistic, not realistic? How does that feel? How does that look? So these are all things to consider and, like I mentioned, this works for your life should as well. For example, let’s just say, eating sugar. If you are a person with healthy blood sugar levels, no known blood sugar diseases or disorders, and you say I shouldn’t eat sugar, then that is a really good thing to be like. Well, who’s telling me that? Why do I believe that? Where does that come from? What do I fear will happen if I do and don’t? Why shouldn’t I? Why is this a realistic fear? That is a whole lot different than if you are someone that is diagnosed with type one diabetes or type two diabetes and you shouldn’t eat sugar. That is a very different story. Why shouldn’t I? Who’s telling me I shouldn’t? Well, my doctor is because otherwise I’m going to hey, you know have a spike in my blood sugar. I could have to go to the hospital, I will have all these symptoms, I will feel terrible and it could do some real damage to my body. What do I fear will happen if I do eat sugar I’m gonna get sick. Is this a realistic fear? Yes, okay. So that is a very different. I shouldn’t eat sugar versus a person with healthy blood sugar levels, healthy inflammatory levels, no known health conditions and they want a donut right. So very different. And the same thing goes for what you’re saying you should and shouldn’t be doing for your business. But you have to put all of them to this test to find out what is real and what is being made up by your ego, by your limiting beliefs, to keep you in this place. Okay, the next thing I want you to do is a little experiment. I want you to see what happens when you stop trying to force yourself to do anything. What do you want to do? And especially if you’ve listened to the last episode about your bigger why and if you haven’t, go back and listen and then do this exercise. Once you have your bigger why, once you have that vision of how it’s going to look, what do you want to do to get there? You know you have to take action. What do you want that action to be? What do you want it to look like? No more forcing, just get into the flow even for a little bit, and just see what comes up, see what comes out of that desire of what you want to do, how you want it to look, and then you know if it’s something that you need to do, how can you change it to feel differently, to go from this I should, I have to to, I want to, and I get to Think about it differently. That’s all it takes so often. That’s all it takes is just having a different mindset around it. You can have fun with it, you can make it a fun experience or environment, you can make it comfortable, you can make it flow with your schedule, your energy, whatever it is that currently is bringing up resistance. So, for example, if I knew that me recording on a video myself doing this podcast, if I knew that that was an essential piece to my business doing what I wanted to do, getting where I want it to go, having the success I wanted to have if I knew that was an essential part, that was something that was on my path to get there that I could not ignore, I would have fun with it. You know what I would do is I would be basically in my pajamas doing it. I would just make it totally different than what my mind has made it to be, which is like oh, that means I have to do my hair, I have to do my makeup, I have to put on some cute clothes, and that’s not how I like to work. I like to be comfy when I work. I think you all probably have seen me at this point wearing sweats and hoodies, and I would just do it that way. I would just put my hair in a bun, no makeup. Get into my zone, my comfy zone, and I would do it, and that would be my signature thing that a lot of people aren’t doing. A lot of people are getting dressed up and putting on makeup and stuff, not me. I would go the total opposite and I would do it my way, and that would make it feel a lot better. It would make it feel a lot more fun and I would find a way to make it happen. But I don’t have to because it’s not essential, so I’m not gonna. It’s off my radar entirely. And on that topic, and I guess, just as a way to kind of end, this is just a reminder in how beautiful it is to do something that you don’t want to do that you know you need to do to move yourself further ahead, to get your goals, to make your dreams a reality that is really powerful and can make you feel so strong and capable and empowered and all of these things that you may be working against you right now, where you don’t feel strong and powerful and creative and organized, and all these things you’re telling yourself about why you can’t do certain things. But when you actually do them, even though at the time they may feel a little uncomfortable, they may feel scary, you may feel more of like the should thing versus the I get to thing. But when you actually do them, you realize they were and I get to, they really were. And I get to wrapped up in this ego talk because now you have this momentum, you have this power, you’re feeling differently about yourself and your capabilities and your business and your vision. There’s just something so magnetic about doing something out of your comfort zone to get you where you want to go, and it is all because you have that very strong vision ahead of what you want and you’re willing to take those steps to get you there. So I want you to recognize that too and really think about what you’re doing and what you’re not doing and how it’s leading you to where you want to go and own that. Celebrate that. Celebrate that, even though it wasn’t something you were super excited to do, you still did it. You still made it happen because you have that vision ahead. That is really cool stuff and I think that’s how I will wrap up this episode, with that reminder, and I really hope this has given you something to think about. I hope it’s given you some motivation and some encouragement to start looking more into why you’re telling yourself you should be doing things. What’s really behind that and do you really need to be doing those things? And if you do, how can you turn that into a night get to? And if you don’t, how can you let that go and move on with your life, knowing that you’re picking the path that works best for you. All right, my friends, until next time, take care. Hey, wait up before you go. Do you want to know the biggest reason why your business may not flow? Because it’s not in alignment with your personality type. Building the right business for you means knowing your strengths, weaknesses, energetic expression and what’s most important to you, so you can build your business accordingly Before you spend one more minute working on your business, let’s make sure it’s the right business for you. I’ve created a fun two minute quiz to discover your flow business personality type. With the results of this quiz, you’ll know exactly what to prioritize in your business so you can feel confident knowing your building a business you love. Head over to shawnmynar.com/quiz right now to find out your flow business personality type and once you find that out, hop over to Instagram and let me know what you discover. Again, that’s shawnmynar.com/quiz . As always, the link is in the show notes.